Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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