After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
