im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
