Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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