About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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