Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
