My room smells like vodka and shame
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize