thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
