normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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