It was confusing and full of hummus
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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