apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
it glows. i had to have it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
its liver damage thursday
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
