you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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