You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
