Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm both gender and math confused
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
