You really coming over, don't trick.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
