the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
