I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
