I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
