For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
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