Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
