And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
