You just made me feel so damn special
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
