Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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