He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
