Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
