All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
