so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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