dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
