God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
