Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize