i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
thus making me awesome and them whores
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
