I wish I could teleport
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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