we're chasing vodka with high fives
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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