South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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