I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
