dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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