Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
