Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
