Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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