So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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