It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
