So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
