remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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