This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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