This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
