i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
