About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i came on her dog
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
