i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
