i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
