You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
