Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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