I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize