My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
