sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
