I faked an abortion last night.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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