were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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