Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
