You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
