Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
