Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
