so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
