Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
