i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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