but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Randomize
