I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
