I smell stomach acid.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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