My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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