Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize